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2004-04-08 - 3:08 p.m.

reality tv is goddamn crazy!!!

ok so tonight i am going to return to my roots and rattle my tongue around about REALITY TELEVISION a little bit!! tonight was the premere of THE SWAN and if you are unfamiliar with this utter train wreck of a television program let me fill you in!!

each week two emotionally scarred sally-plain-and-talls are chosen by the show to have about a million dollars worth of plastic surgery by Doctor Terry and his team plus three months of healing, therapy and iron man workouts until they are totally transformed into SWANS (not actually swans that would be totally cool though - i mean 'beautiful girls' but if you ask me none of these girls are really that ugly to begin with, except when they're crying and making the poo-face which is most of the time but anyway) and after they do all that they look in the mirror for the first time in three months, cry, and then (and here is the really screwed up part!) ONE OF THEM GETS TO GO ON TO BE A PART OF THE MOST AWFUL PAGEANT IN PAGEANT HISTORY. the other one goes back to humbuggy north dakota.

so while i was watching this show I made a startling discovery!!! it is EXACTLY (except for the pageant part) like MTV'S BREAKTHROUGH HIT, 'PIMP MY RIDE'!!

For those of you who arent familiar, pimp my ride is the show where you can take your clunky ol' caddy coup de ville with the rust spots and all that junk and call up FAMOUS RAPPER XZIBIT who will yo yo mtv raps his way over to your house, make fun of your car for a few minutes, then drive it over to a chop shop where a TEAM OF EXPERTS decides what your car needs to get totally pimped out. then at the end the owner comes, sees their car, and cries.

These two shows are exactly the same!!! they should merge them into one, where ugly ladies and their ugly cars totally get makeovers by xzibit and dr. terry and then they have a big ol car show slash pageant and everyone wins just like in the special olympics. that way the girls with the already low self esteem dont have to go home feeling like shit all over again!!!

see jesus knows how to make everything AWESOME DOGGS

so network executives, LISTEN UP! Give me a call you have my number.

love jesus

aim: iamrealjesus

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