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hoooooooooo nelly what a NIGHT OF HILARITY that was!!!

first allow me to get the simple targets out of the way:

A: WHY DOES THE PODIUM/PULPIT RESEMBLE A CROSS? everyone knows you are the party of jesus, even i know that... but excuse me i'd rather not have a constant reminder of my little four day weekend while guilani and arnold are spouting their nonsense thank you very much!

OKAY ON TO THE NITTY GRITTY. I won't go into last night because it was honk snore ho hum McCain shilling for the man he hates just so he has better chances to run for president in 2008, zzzzzzz guliani being a bore honk snore etc

BUT TONIGHT I AM SINGING A DIFFERENT TUNE, AND THAT TUNE IS HA HA HA HA HA!

We start with GOVENAH OF KALLIE-FORNIA, JINGLEALLAWAY!

why oh why can this man refrain from constantly referencing his movies in speeches?? he was even doing it back in 1894 when the first inept bush was running for president 'MICHAEL DUKAKIS VILL BE DA REAL TERMINATAH!' and he sure aint slowin down now! tonight he called the DNC 'TRUE LIES!' and the essential TERMINATAH line.. and then his MAGNUM OPUS, the ZING OF THE CENTURY: calling people who critize the crap USA economy 'GIRLY MEN'

OK ARNOLD: HINT #1 that wasnt even IN your movie it was a long running sketch on SNL that made fun of you constantly. HINT #2 you are an enormous dong! and that's what JESUS says.

and... oh and.. on to the party twins 2004. they came on, completely forgetting that their microphones were on no less! and had a little vapid conversation even before they started their retardo speech of the century. once they did it was a slippery slope down into the depths of field day in moron town. their speech must have been written by yakov smirnov, on loan from fabulous BRANSON MO, because it was jesus christ no bullshit the most inept, insulting thing these ears have ever heard, and believe me, i have heard a lot!!! they had the delivery of porn stars, the jokes of the chairman's roast at the kiwanis club, and jenna sounds like she's smoked exactly one billion cigarettes and drunk a lake full of whisky.

i wanted it to be over, yet wanted this unbelievable train wreck to go on and on and on. they made an OUTKAST reference when referring to how HIP their parents are (dubyah and his stepford wife of a wife apparently know Outkast is a band, and not god forbid a group of misfits! Who knew) and they can honestly shake it like a polaroid picture. I.. I couldn't believe what I was hearing i had to have paul pinch me to make sure i hadn't fallen asleep and was suddenly dreaming i was in retardville, population BUSH TWINS! but sadly i was not dreaming

then they introduced my EX BUDDY GEORGE who was inexplicably at a softball game at 10:45 PM on a school night.... you could see the people playing behind him, and I FORMALLY CALL BULLSHIT, they were totally phoning it in, the pitcher wasnt even TRYING to get the ball to the bat, they looked like they were playing volleyball with that ball.

ANYWAY long story short, george introduces his stepford wife who comes out and says a bunch of lies while giving live tv her stare that causes epillepsy in young children and also some adults.. i wont go into that, but the thing i will go into is the first thing she says when she comes out, in this HYPNOLAURA voice, and looking STRAIGHT INTO THE CAMERA instead of at Jenna and Barbara like any normal, non-android would do, 'THANK YOU... THANK YOU JENNA AND BARBARA.... YOU WERE GREAAAT'

I nearly threw my popcorn and hid behind the couch.

in fact, i need to stop thinking about this or i will have horrible nightmares all night long good night buddies i love you all

-jesus

aim: iamrealjesus

the future - the past